Where to start???

I don't even know where to begin... I guess at the beginning would be best...

You see, I wasn't with Robert in the beginning. We met in 2007 when I thanked him for his service via his blog. We began an email friendship and Robert found in me someone that understood. You see, my son has a TBI and PTSD from having been struck by a car as a pedestrian. I knew my way around the aftermath and it gave Robert comfort to be understood.

Robert's wife had just divorced him for a "whole" soldier after Robert had taken her to Hawaii to try to get their marriage back on track. She met the new soldier there... Robert had spent the last 4 years hearing his wife tell him to be "normal", to wear his leg, that he had selective memory, etc. He had spent the last four years with a wife that tried to make his injuries all about her and how hard it was for her. She had cheated on him with yet a different soldier, claiming to have become pregnant by him. When she finally left, he was relieved.

In April of 2007 Robert left for Palo Alto, California to do a 2 month inpatient stay at the National PTSD Center. It would prove to be one of the most beneficial things he had ever done. He got back home at the end of June and I left for Germany at the beginning of August and we did not have much time to talk in that time. When I returned from Germany in late August we got back into contact - Robert was visiting a friend in Virginia and not having much fun as his leg was not fitting correctly and had caused a large wound, preventing him from wearing the leg at all. We talked alot during that time and one night his friend in Virginia called me. She said he needed to talk to me. I was a little confused because Robert knew my number and could have called me himself. Robert proceeded to tell me how much he cared about me and to ask me out. I didn't answer right away - I had no clue he cared for me as anything but a friend and was thrilled to find out that he did since I had what can only be described as a "crush" on him. I agreed but immediately started thinking - how will this work??? he lives in Arizona and I live in Maine!!!!

A month later Robert came to Maine to visit. I remember being shocked at the pronounced limp that the prosthetic caused. I had never seen an above the knee amputee walk before, I guess. I knew he had a prosthetic eye but honestly, I could not tell which one it was. We talked about the things that I was curious about for awhile but his plane came in at 11pm and I had driven 2 hours to get there so we soon fell asleep. He ended up staying thru the New Year and we had a great time! We decided that in June - if we still felt the same that I would move to Arizona to make the relationship easier to have.

Then next few months were hell! Robert's ex wife did not want him but she did not want anyone else to have him either nor did she want him to stop paying her daughter's way in life. (His ex and he share no children.) So began nasty phone calls from the ex to me. And so began the smear campaign by the ex to get Robert and I to split. In the mean time Robert discovered that not only was the ex's daughter stealing from his bank account but that the ex was lying about me. His PTSD was in full force and his trust was again broken. He wanted me in Arizona by March to show I meant what I said and wasn't using him. So off I went.

That first year sucked. PTSD in both my son and Robert, my son's lazy girlfriend living with us, my ignorance of how to respond to Robert's PTSD outbursts, meddling from the ex and her kid, my son's Bipolar disorder... Come Robert's first alive day with me I was just about sure we would never make it. I had given up my job, my home, my savings - all to be with him - and I was kicking myself for it. I clean when stressed and during one such cleaning session I found a book. One that his ex had never cracked open. I sat down and started reading it and it became my life line! (http://www.amazon.com/Trust-After-Trauma-Relationships-Survivors/dp/1572241012) I soon found out through Robert's case manager that I could attend the wives PTSD support group, so I did. My ability to deal with things got exponentially better from there on out. Robert also started attending a PTSD group at the VA during that time. Seeing me make an effort made him more inclined to work harder.

About 6 months later Robert switched to a different group and I stopped going to mine. The people in our groups were in their twenties. I found myself being the person doing all of the supporting during group because Robert and I were so much further along in his recovery and because we were older. Robert found himself picking up the bad habits he was around each week. He joined a group out at the S.E. clinic that consisted of men and women his age and older who were more stable. And he did so well that he even began individual therapy.

After 5 years of searching Robert had found a therapist he was comfortable with! Even on bad days when he blew off all of his other appointments he would still see Dr. T. He was open and honest with her and looked forward to their sessions and was making so much progress!!! I loved Dr. T as well because she was helping Robert so much!

In June of 2009 we went on vacation to Texas to visit Rob's mom. They had become estranged while Robert was at Walter Reed in 2003. Robert's ex and his mom both flew to Germany and then on to WRAMC but within 20 hours of being at WRAMC his ex told staff that his mom was no longer allowed to see him or communicate with him when he came to. The ex would then go on to tell Robert that his mother wanted to let him die and also that she wanted them to amputate his other leg. All were lies but the ex was there and his mom was not so he believed. (There was some type of power struggle between these two women but Robert's mother did not say or do any of what his ex claimed.) I come from an estranged family so felt it was really important that Robert hear his mom's side, from her. We spent three weeks in Texas and by the time we left knew we wanted to move there. Robert's PTSD was so much better around green grass and rolling country sides! The Arizona desert landscape just made him think of Iraq.

So here we are, 6 months in to living in Texas :) We got married New Years Eve 2009 and are very excited to continue this journey together. Obviously, there are so many more details to this story and I will, I am sure, touch on them in future blogs.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!