In contrast...

Well, Robert had his follow up CT (with contrast) this past Saturday. The tumor has grown. Now we wait for the appointment with Endocrinology to see what they decide is the treatment plan. Luckily, this type of tumor is very treatable. Options range from medication, to surgery to radiation. It all depends on size, position, level it has invaded the surrounding tissue, etc.

I'd be lying if I said that the stress has not gotten to us. And there is that pesky ex wife and her money grubbing mother. Not that I think they will get anywhere with their desire for his money but just the stress of having to hire a lawyer - well, it couldn't have come at a worse time. Robert has fallen 6 times in the last 10 days. He has constant headaches. His VA social worker and his AW2 both have moved on to wonderful new opportunities in their careers but have yet to be replaced. And there is that damn thing growing in my husband's brain.

When Robert is stressed he tends to shut down and act like... well, a six year old. I hate to say that because I love him so much but he is impossible to reason with during times of stress. If I complain about the stress in our lives he will automatically jump RIGHT to saying he's filing for a divorce. Gah... All marriages have stress. All spouses do not threaten to file for a divorce because their spouse complained about the stress level.

And so it's been for two weeks. Utter nonsense. I finally just acquiesced and said that if that's what would make him happy I would not stand in his way.

Today he sent me a text. From the bedroom. Ten feet down the hall. It read, "I have come to the realization that in order for me to continue in this marriage, I must try. Therefore, this is what I will do. Although, from time to time, I may fail. But I will get back up and try, again and again."

It's funny that he wrote it that way because I have always said, in regards to his PTSD, as long as you are trying to get help (even if it isn't working) I will be here. I think he finally got what I've been saying all along. Marriage is built not only on love and trust, but on mutual effort. And that is a big dog gone step for my undemonstrative husband!

Some days you just KNOW why you keep trying so hard.

Please leave me your words of wisdom!